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the-sofa: asktheravenclan: 64memories: I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO BE GIFFED MY ENTIRE LIFE ((Stupid question coming from an American, but why don’t the robbers just run?)) (( Because that would be rude.))

ixnay-on-the-oddk:

lunatrip:

lunatrip:

sicam:

sicam:

what do you call a woman with an opinion

wrong

What do you call a guy that makes sexist jokes

Single

image

(via stanakatic-equestrian)

scribblescourge:

My mother just came with the groceries and I opened the door and without thinking asked “swiggity swag what’s in the bag” and she replied “bip boop bop bread and flip-flops

(via seewhatsinyourheart)

thefreespiritedone: shadowkat104: kellyjacobsbooks: HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE Let’s say it’s 6.15pm and you’re going home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You’re really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself..!! NOW HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE… Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can perhaps buy precious time to get themselves to a phone and dial 911. Rather than sharing another joke please contribute by broadcasting this which can save a person’s life! Be prepared and become part of the solution. Get your free next-of-kin notification card today. Click here: https://www.InCaseOfEmergencyCard.com/ major signal boost Signal boost to help everyone in case of an emergency!

sticler:

sassy-gay-dust:

omg what if we named animals after the sound they make like in pokemon

“take the bark for a walk”

“hey could you feed the meows”

“hey look at all those moos”

woah thats one big PPFKEJGKRTLYKTPLFPLPTLTPPLLF

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(Source: soclest, via stanakatic-equestrian)

10000bc:

since abercrombie an fitch destroys its unsold clothes and wont donate bc poor people wearing their clothes gives them a bad image i say everyone should donate as much abercrombie and fitch brand clothing that you have to homeless shelters so you can simultaneously piss off a shitty company and help those in need

(via stanatic-in-the-tardis)

turn-it-up-tune-them-out:

artsysauce:

sorry I can’t go to school tomorrow I fractured my motivation

Guys I said this to my dad once he laughed so hard he let me stay home

(via stanatic-in-the-tardis)

pleatedjeans: An 8-year-old’s homework. via